Entry Seven: Hot Freaks

From "Bee Thousand" 1994

You know, we show a lot of love to Guided by Voices and Bob Pollard here. We've done six entries and the lowest grade we've given something was a C+. And that was only in relation to a superior version of the song. We love the songcraft of Robert Pollard. It's evident in every way. Even the name of the blog is a nod to how the man can almost do no wrong. In the interest of being fair and balanced, let me present a song that I just about totally hate.

I believe Hot Freaks, from Bee Thousand, is a damn bad song. A lot of people don't seem to think so. On the live album "Jellyfish Reactor" he announces the song and the crowd goes nuts. I honestly don't get it. Here's what we call an extended metaphor: picture a car that drives in a straight line at thirty miles per hour. In this car is your Vietnam vet uncle, wearing a sleeveless shirt with a beer between his legs. He shouts at the girls he passes. He calls some guy leaving a convenience store a fag. He drives through town and arrives at your wedding reception, late, and only because there is an open bar. At the reception, you have a buddy playing acoustic guitar to entertain the guests. This uncle asks your friend to improvise some bluesy droney groove and proceeds to ramble shit off over it, screaming "hot freaks!" every once in a while. Other days, you love this uncle. He gets high with you on Thanksgiving, he gave you your first beer. This time though, shit doesn't fit.

Hot Freaks feels extremely musically lazy to me, which is something rare for the boys from Dayton. And there's an important distinction to be made between lazy and effortless. GBV, at it's best, sounds effortless but I know it isn't. Pop music, hooks, those things are difficult to do right. The math rock kids and the post rock kids will tell you it's easy but it's not. Hot Freaks doesn't sound effortless, it just sounds like no effort was put into it. It just goes on and on, amelodic, repetitive. There's no pop here. And that's the thing, Guided by Voices are masters of beer swilling anthemic rock music that sounds classic before it is even written. And one of their many secret weapons, one of the reasons why the band works is Bob Pollards ear for pop and melody. Pop sensibility is a cornerstone of why GBV works. It's the difference between Guided By Voices and the originals the Cream Cover band sneaks into it's set at the local VFW. I admit that I'm probably the most dedicated fan of pure pop that you'll meet. But putting my biases aside, I still think this song doesn't work. There's no hook, the yelping of "hot freaks" is embarrassing for me to listen to and it sounds like the longest song I've ever heard that's under 2 minutes. It sounds like the down side of the otherwise awesome prospect of having Bob Pollard be your kick ass drunken uncle.

And yet... and yet, it's not a complete loss. The difference between Robert Pollard and your drunken Vietnam Vet uncle is that Robert Pollard is one of the best lyricists in the history of rock and roll. Hell, I'll say that he's probably a better lyricist than the entire country of Vietnam(humor). Bobs lyrics aren't politically conscious or always filled with deep meaning, but he knows how to turn a phrase and fire the imagination without having a literal narrative. This song is not an exception to that.

But I still don't think it's worth listen to this yelping monotone mess.

D+

Favorite lyric: "I walked into the house of miraculous recovery And stood before king everything"